Friday, May 23, 2008
WE'RE LIKE SHERLOCK HOLMES ONLY HOTTER: WHY DIDIER REALLY PUNCHED VIDIC
['You made me do it!']Is everyone okay now? Chelsea peeps? Manc lovers?
No? Too bad. A whole day should have given you more than enough time to get over your celebratory hangovers, dry off from crying yourselves into a puddle or realize how fat all the consolation chocolate has made you. It's about time we get down to sorting out the great mystery at hand: Why did Didi slap Vidic?
It's fair to say that Didier's moronic 'baller moment was the most pivotal one of Wednesday's final. Drogba was meant to take the 5th peanlty - the one that JT ended up cocking up for 'em - and the 'psychological blow' ('Mental Skills!' - damn you, Lucas!) to the other Chelsea divos must have been phenomenal. But does anyone know why Didi really did it?
What made Didier snap?
Was it his headband? No, really - did it snap? Was it on too tight? Did he begin to fret that his bald spot may subsequently not be fully covered by the stringy goopy mess top his head? Did he want off to sort it out?
Just as a Chels/Man U scuffle bubbled in extra time, did the Drogz glance to the sidelines and catch a whiff of Avram's fugface? Did the fugstrosity of Avram's perma-pissed expression simply push our Didi over the edge? Emotionless and eye-bagged, did Avram's face do Didier's glorious little head in?
TIET TMI du jour: And it's always in extra time, isn't it? Can't you testosterone filled man-children hack it for a few more minutes? They are paying you zillions, you know. The least you could do is not punch someone.
[TIET Fictional Fact: The Italian tried to ask him out. Also in extra time, if you recall.]Perhaps a soft, reminiscent 'Jose...Jose. You shall be mine once more in time' escaped Didi's lips, followed up with a great, huge fangirl sigh.
Vidic, being just within earshot, may have heard what Didi said.
'What the?' Vida would have seethed, 'You shall be mine once more in time?!'
'Listen, weirdo, if you want me so bad, you'll have to wait till after the match, okay?'
Didi: 'GASP! Are you calling me gay?!'
SLAP.
At least Cashley would've been used to the gay jokes, Vida. Not cool.
Didier, having been quite offended by the implication - less so by the red card; he was actually aching for a sit down - needed a bit of caressing. Expert Essien took to calming him down.
'They've only ever had wrinkly old Fergie, Didi, babe. They simply don't understand our plight. It's not worth it.'
NOTE: A massive thanks to everyone who joined the TIET/Ladies... CL final live-blog on Wednesday. Ya'll made the lack of man-flesh bearable. We'll definitely be running the live-blog again once Euro starts up so if you missed out on the fun earlier this week, you absolutely must not miss the series of Euro live-blogs we're going to be hosting in June.
Labels: chelsea fabulosity, didier drogba, man poo-nited, nemanja vidic, we're like sherlock holmes only hotter
4 Comments:
I'm so disappointed. I wanted Chelsea to win. An even as a staunch Arsenal-til-I-die supporter, I felt so bad for Terry and I wanted to hug him!
As for Euro 2008 live-blogs, I'll definitely get the word out. I was going to do it for this one but was too busy. This time I will get it out amongst 3,500 people via the cult of Facebook! Rock on.
As for Euro 2008 live-blogs, I'll definitely get the word out. I was going to do it for this one but was too busy. This time I will get it out amongst 3,500 people via the cult of Facebook! Rock on.
Oh poo. I tried posting a comment on this earlier and it didn't let me. Now I can't remember what I was going to say. Something about Zizou's beautiful bald head? Rats? Huh?
KT - It was so great to have you join in. I'm sorry about your Chelsea boys. JT's slip was unlucky. And yes, do stick around!
CLB - Oooh, the cult of facebook. Sounds slightly sinister.
Marooner - Probably Zizou's beauty. Or Didi's beauty. Actually, you despise him, right? Nevermind.
CLB - Oooh, the cult of facebook. Sounds slightly sinister.
Marooner - Probably Zizou's beauty. Or Didi's beauty. Actually, you despise him, right? Nevermind.
As for the game, I was upset at the Chelsea loss and felt bad that apparently JT cried all night long (it was in the paper, Carvalho said he was inconsolable. *tear*)
Didi's slap of Vidic was so incredibly lame in retrospect. I mean, compared to Zidane, it was almost as bad as when basketball players slap at each other.