Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Of the Moment: Bitter Tastes, Bad Puns, and Beautiful Goals

beckham and cronin
MLS Hottie: Steve Cronin – Yes perhaps sitting next to Becks isn’t the best comparison, but Cronin is still some decent competition for the former England captain.
scotty parker
EPL Hottie: Scotty Parker – He’s just plain adorable. Like baby cute, not so much the “take me home RIGHT NOW” type hot.

Most Hated: West Ham – So many enemies, so little time, and so little money to hand out. I see bankruptcy or relegation in your future.

Most Loved: Geovanni – If you haven’t seen his goal against Arsenal, you’ve been living under a rock since Saturday.

Most Annoying WAG: Nereida's Return – Rather than being vulgar on Dame’s respected site, you can check out my opinion here.

Barfline: When Pooch Comes to Fall – I realize it’s a bad pun. I’m truly embarrassed. I should lose my writing privileges.
frank and jose
‘Round the Neighborhood: Frank Leaves Bitter Taste in Mourinho’s Mouth – It could have been in the Barfline, but I thought it would be better down here. Also Sir Alex isn’t talking to the media anymore. So those huge press conferences that you HAVE to do before every Champions League game…???


pictures via google images and jamd

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Man-Flesh Du Jour: Bale's Washboard Abs

gareth bale tummy



picture via Kickette

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Saturday, September 27, 2008

MAN-NOT-QUITE-FLESH DU JOUR: WERDER BREMEN

They refuse to take their clothes off, I guess. These are from last week and today.

Mesut Oezil from a very nice angle.



Per Mertesacker (and Hoffenheim's goalkeeper Ramazan Oezcan). He should really be showing us his stomach, but no. He's wearing one of those annoying shirts. Bah.



Jurica Vranjes jokes with his team mates goalkeeper Tim Wiese, Peter Niemeyer, Markus Rosenberg and Sebastian Proedl (L-2ndR). Seriously, too cute for words.



Yeah, sorry. He's not a Werder Bremen player, but sad Michael Rensing and a puppy is always cute. Plus, they lost to Bremen last week, so it does count. Or maybe your blogger just really likes Michael ...



All pictures from daylife.

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posted by Sarah at 12:17 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 1 comments
Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Of the Moment: Frank’s Thighs Return, Blue Eyes, and More Mourinho Madness

jay heaps
MLS Hottie: Jay Heaps - The blue eyes and curly hair reminds me of an Owen Hargreaves type of hotness.
xabi in green
EPL Hottie: Xabi Alonso - He’s one of those fallback hotties when you can’t think of anyone out of the blue.
jose in inter chair
Most Hated: Jose Mourinho - Never all that loved in the Premier League, he’s now raising eyebrows in Serie A. But rather than picking fights with managers in the technical area, he’s chosen a much higher target, Pietro Lo Monaco, the Catania chief executive. Their verbal sparring has resulted in Jose requesting monetary compensation for Lo Monaco’s free advertising:

“If this guy wants to earn free publicity by talking about me, he’d better pay me. Adidas features me in their adverts, but they pay me a lot of money to do that. I don’t get paid to help this Lo Monaco get in the papers.”
Oh…snap!

franks thighs return 3franks thighs return 2franks thighs return
Most Loved: Frank Lampard’s Thighs - I’ve missed them for so long that I almost forgot how gorgeous they were. But finally they’re making a comeback. They first appeared in the Manchester City game, and have now been visible in the Bordeaux and Manchester United games. It seems he’s still wearing the compression shorts for training, but that is just a minor detail. Perhaps it was my last “Of the Moment” post that finally forced him to lose the spandex.
cheryl cole on tv
Most Annoying WAG: Cheryl Cole – Cease the crying on X-Factor. Running mascara is not a good look. And it doesn’t look good when you contradict yourself either. One minute you’re refusing to talk about your marriage and the next you’re talking about it on national television and in magazines. Make up your mind love. Good job on the runway though.


Barfline: HANDBALL LAMPS! It seems that Frank Lampard’s thighs are getting more than just some action on the pitch. But, do they have to make a football reference out of Lampsy getting a little action in his “penalty box” from some ladies at Funky Buddha? I think not. Bad form, from both the Daily Star and Frank.

‘Round the Neighbourhood: Jamie Carragher’s Opinion – He just can’t resist. The Scouser in him just can’t allow him to keep his bloody mouth shut. His honesty in his autobiography threw some people off at first, but it only made me want to buy it as soon as possible! And now he’s gone out and blasted the American owners of his club. Probably not the best of career moves, but it is who you are, and that’s why we love you!
pictures via jamd, dailymail/rex features, and google images

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posted by Blair at 12:35 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 1 comments

Man-Flesh Du Jour: Mr. Ruud Booty

ruud van nistelrooy
I'm suddenly reminded of a song by Bubba Sparxxx featuring The Ying Yang Twins called Ms New Booty. And it goes like this (song doesn't actually start till the 42nd second):


inspiration and picture from ONTD Football

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posted by Blair at 11:12 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments
Sunday, September 21, 2008

CUTE OF THE DAY: BECKS ON SESAME STREET

Via Ballhype:



I'm sorry, I would have commentary, but I'm too busy flailing at the cuteness of it all. This is much better than inadvertently getting DC hottie Marc Burch sent off last night, Mr. David. If I ask a couple more times, will you come play with me?

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posted by Amanda at 1:09 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 4 comments
Friday, September 19, 2008

UEFA CUP: AC MILAN


To the victor go the spoils, or something like that. Yesterday, that was (among other teams) AC Milan. After losing an absurd amount of matches (including preseason) and being second from the bottom in Serie A, they finally won a game. Looks like they're a little happy, eh? Too bad it's just UEFA Cup.

At least some kid (who your blogger vigorously denies finding completely adorable) named Pato scored.


EDIT: Also, upon further examination, didn't anyone tell Milan not to wear black underwear while wearing white shorts?

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posted by Sarah at 3:07 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 1 comments

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: WILL JOHNSON



Here, Will Johnson is being sent off during an Olympic qualifying match against Mexico. Will's a Canadian footballer who grew up in England and the United States, formerly of Heerenveen and De Graafschap in Holland. He currently plays for Real Salt Lake. I like him a lot -- and not just his (really, really nice) stomach.

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posted by Sarah at 10:52 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments
Thursday, September 18, 2008

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: CHRIS SEITZ



This is American U23 keeper Chris Seitz, who is also currently backup keeper for Real Salt Lake of MLS.

Things to note about this picture:
1. The height. Your humble blogger likes 'em tall.
2. The absolutely filthy sleeves. She also enjoys a boy who knows when to get a little dirty.
3. The ass. All she has to say is, "Damn, boy."
 
posted by Amanda at 2:27 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments
Wednesday, September 17, 2008

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: WEDNESDAY OPEN THREAD

Although your blogger won't be able to watch many (read: any) Champions League matches, she will be cheering on Arsenal and the Belarusian team Bate Brisov (just because they are rather cute, see?).


Here are your MBM links: Manchester United and Arsenal. Enjoy Wednesday's CL action and let us know exactly who you think will win.
 
posted by Sarah at 1:03 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments
Tuesday, September 16, 2008

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: LE OPEN THREAD

Your blogger has a confession: she has not been paying attention to the Champions League. Like, at all. So much so, she was a bit confused that the actual group play was starting this week -- surely it was still qualifying? But no. Between this utter lack of attention and the inconvenient fact of her First Real Job, there will be no Champions League liveblogging around these parts.

However, there will be links to Liverpool and Chelsea liveblogs, and what the hell, let's call this an open thread. Discuss any and all games and players on Matchday One here. As always, ogling is not only accepted, but encouraged.
 
posted by Amanda at 2:02 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 8 comments

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: BABY BRADLEY TAKES IT OFF



Why was young Mr. Bradley changing shirts in full view of German photographers? I have not the slightest idea, but I am definitely not complaining.

ETA: Discussion topic -- what is the deal with his pants here? Dear Michael, you are neither Michael Phelps nor Lil Wayne. Plz to be explaining this uncomfortable-looking low-rise action you've got going. Also, boxers, briefs, or those awkward compression shorts? Satisfy our pervy curiosity here.
 
posted by Amanda at 8:12 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments
Friday, September 5, 2008

MAN-FLESH DEL DIA: BOJAN KRKIC

Whilst the Dame lounges about in an opium den off the coast of Rohan, I'll be today's guest spammer (clearly, she is out of her mind... giving me posting access... hahahaha). My name is Kate, and I'm a Gemini, an art school student, and I've also been known to act as La Selección's team bicycle. I reign as madness instigator over at ONTD Football.

---


More like Boyflesh Du Jour, am I right?
Bojan Krkic, people. I love names I can't pronounce, mmm.
Right, so Bojangles is twelve years-old, enjoys Transformers and tapdance, plays for FC Barcelona and Spain, and is Serbian and Spanish.
I'm like, totally crushin'.


Cutest. Fetus. Ever. I love his voice. BE MY PROM DATE.


Is this even legal?!

Chris Hansen is on his way.

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posted by kaaate at 4:19 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 13 comments
Thursday, September 4, 2008

TRANSFER NEWS: MICHAEL BRADLEY

This end of the day news post is brought to you by the hardest to pronounce football club ever (okay, that's not entirely true, but work with me). European-based American footballer Michael Bradley (the American footballer of choice for your guest blogger) finally left Dutch club SC Heerenveen for newly promoted Bundesliga team Borussia Mönchengladbach. They're known as VfL Borussia or Gladbach, and probably other things that I don't know because I took Spanish in high school, not German.

Mike leaves the hearts of Heerenveen for the less cute, but much more attractive, kits of Gladbach.


Mike's hair is made of win, but let's just ignore the other guy, all right?


These kits are way sexier than the Heerenveen ones, but as Amanda suggested, they might want to invest in little hearts.



Educational bit: Heerenveen's kit is actually based on the Flag of Friesland, which is the province where the city and club are located. The hearts aren't actually hearts at all, but a symbolic representation of the yellow water-lily. Don't you feel smarter now?
 
posted by Sarah at 10:30 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

INJURIES: THE CURSE OF ARSENAL

Nicklas Bendtner, the favorite European footballer of your guest blogger, hurt himself during training yesterday. According to the article I (poorly) translated, he hurt his ankle and they were going to wait 24 hours before determining if he'll able to play in the WC Qualifiers for Denmark. If he can't play, it's bad for Denmark and Arsenal. First Cesc, then Robin and now Nick. Who will be next?

Right now, though, it looks like he's traveling with the team (and looking quite nice decked out all in black). And so I guess it's just a waiting game.




Also, who doesn't love it when footballers get emotional?


 
posted by Sarah at 5:34 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 5 comments

REMEMBER THEM? THE PLAYERS

Basically, I have been waiting for an excuse to blog about these boys. And now I have one!

Back in the summer of 2006, five Norwegian footballers were asked to, well, be in a boy band for a program called Soccer Against Crime. The band was called The Players and the five footballers were: Kristofer Hæstad, Raymond Kvisvik, Morten Gamst Pedersen, Freddy dos Santos, and Øyvind Svenning. The song they sang was called "This Is For Real" and I've included it here so it will be permanently stuck in your head.



There was also possibly one of the best boy band videos ever and yes, it did include a swimming pool and singing while wet. Unfortunately, I've been unable to dig it up. So, instead, you get these pictures. And a copy of the song if you simply must have it on your iPod.


Freddy (left), Øyvind (back), Morten, Kristofer, and Raymond



Fun fact: A bunch(?) of fans in England have created a myspace to express their love for Morten. There's at least one picture and several songs. Scary or awesome? You decide.


 
posted by Sarah at 1:21 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: MALIK FATHI

Malik Fathi, of German and Turkish descent, has some really great tattoos. Fathi, formally of Hertha Berlin, currently plays for Spartak Moscow.





But, since all's fair in love and ... tattoos, have some women-flesh du jour. This is Natasha Kai of the US WNT.



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posted by Sarah at 8:40 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 1 comments

GUEST BLOGGER: GOALSCORING ROBOT

Your guest blogger for Thursday is Sarah! I blog over at Goalscoring Robot. I primarily support Arsenal, Arsenal Ladies, DC United, AC Milan and all incarnations of the US National Team. I also enjoy watching professional cycling, and yes, I like a boy with shaved legs. What can I say?

We're getting this first post out of the way early (hey, it's already Thursday on the East Coast) because I'm awake (and watching tennis).

Along the same lines as YNBA did yesterday, I've got some DC United for y'all. No, it's not pictures of the team celebrating their US Open Cup win, but instead, it's Devon McTavish. Because he totally knows what girls want.

Devon McTavish spilling serving beer. (from Behind the Badge)


Not only that, but he wants to date you. Well, if you're a girl who lives in the DC area. Seriously.



Watch that. You won't be sorry.
 
posted by Sarah at 12:25 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 5 comments
Wednesday, September 3, 2008

LOVERS IN A DANGEROUS TIME: ROBBIE ROGERS AND STEVEN LENHART



Because having two posts about DC when I'm ostensibly a Crew fan was just too tragic. This season in Columbus, the celebration of choice is being pounced upon by young Robbie Rogers (note: worst picture ever, for serious). Here, even younger Steven Lenhart reaps the benefits. I don't even have it in me to complain about the boy's hair.
 
posted by Amanda at 9:46 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: MARC BURCH



In case the soccer career doesn't work out, Marc is preparing for a side job as a Chippendale. Anyone have $20 worth of singles?
 
posted by Amanda at 9:31 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

WHAT EVER HAPPENED: MICHAEL OWEN

Besides the part where he was dropped from England, that is. From Liverpool to Real to Newcastle -- how the mighty have fallen. (And probably injured something on the way down.)

Michael Owen was the first hot footballer that got my attention, and thus indirectly the reason I love the game so much. So let's have a little retrospective, yes?


Ten years ago: tiny (eighteen!) and scoring against Argentina in That Game.


Three years ago: scoring and getting groped by Wayne Rooney. Poor thing.


Now: injured and/or ill all the time, and playing for Newcastle. Still looking good, but come on. Red is a much better color than black and white. Sigh.
 
posted by Amanda at 3:08 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

GUEST BLOGGER: YOU'LL NEVER BLOG ALONE

Hi all, I'll be your intrepid guest blogger today. I'm Amanda, I normally blog (when I blog, it's kind of fallen by the wayside lately) at You'll Never Blog Alone. I like Liverpool, the Columbus Crew, the US national team, and long walks on the beach. Not pina coladas or getting caught in the rain, though.

This morning, I bring you DC United player Joe Vide. (DC loves to use the worst possible pictures of their players on the roster pages, for reasons unclear to me.) Joe wants to get you drunk:

(via Behind the Badge.)

Be careful, though. That shirt could be deadly after a beer or five.
 
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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Of the Moment: Socceroos and G-Strings

MLS Hottie: Gabriel Badilla - Newly signed to the New England Revolution from Deportivo Saprissa of the Costa Rican Primera Division. He also played for the Costa Rican national team during the 2006 World Cup in Germany.
gabriel badilla
EPL Hottie: Vincenzo (Vince) Grella - This Socceroo, of Italian descent, has played all over Italy and recently signed for Blackburn, joining his Australian teammate Brett Emerton.
vince grella headshot
Most Hated: Compression Shorts - These fashionless contraptions, although perhaps serving some sort of injury defense for some, leaves me feeling less than delighted after a game. Thighs should be seen and the spandex is cramping their style. (Pictorial evidence provided below.)
lampard sans comp shortslampard trains with comp shorts
Most Loved: Monday Holidays - I love not having to work on Mondays.

Most Annoying WAG: Elen Rives - Apparently Abi Clancy is letting her decorate her new home in Portsmouth. Why, in god’s name, would you let this fashion disaster regurgitate her style in your home? I'm seeing ruffles, sequins, and too much fabric.

Barfline: “Rafa: I’m Pulling the G-Strings” - Provided by The Sun, this article is in reference to him having control over Steven Gerrard playing for England. I don’t know about you, but Steven Gerrard and G-string in the same sentence sends shivers of delight down my spine.

‘Round the Neighbourhood: Manchester City are the new rich a**holes of the Premier League. Robinho was ours w**kers!

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posted by Blair at 10:00 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 2 comments

Man-Flesh Du Jour: Frankie on Holiday

frank on holiday

Blair here from MRWF, helping The Dame out by covering her blog today. Thought some senseless Frank Lampard fluff (sans compression shorts) might help the Tuesday yuckies. Enjoy!

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posted by Blair at 9:09 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 2 comments
Monday, September 1, 2008

INJURIES: AN EXCUSE TO STARE

[Either he's done his hamstring, or Nando's got an itchy bum. Let us scratch it for you? On second thoughts... No, the hair is still too yuck.]


Just lately we here have observed that footballers tend to wear their pants a little too high, or they seem about as prone to wedgies as they are to injuries. If you stare hard enough - and honestly, what are you doing here if you're not the kind of person to pull out your specs and examine the intricate details of some nice footballer booty when it's put before you? - you can just make out the outline of his underwear. Give a whoop and a cry of joy, please. You heard it here first: Yes, they do wear underwear!

[Oh Christ, not again!]

Another guy prone to injuries, whilst simultaneously having a squashy and plump arse, is our favourite Robin van Porcelain. Unfortunately he's sitting on his (must you be so inconsiderate, van Peachy?), but how did we never observe until now just how hairy his legs are? Your apparent fragility doesn't particularly tie in very well with the butch, hairy, testosterone-y manliness, Robin. Please work on that and stop breaking.

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posted by Marooner at 4:00 PM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 4 comments

SLAVES, BABIES, AND BERBA'S A BITCH

[Spitting out your dummy means Robinho has to resort to thumb-sucking.]

The final day of transfer shizzle is always entertaining.

Half the summer has been spent documenting Chelsea's imminent signing of Real Madrid's Robinho, while Manchester United have spenting all summer getting this close to signing Berbatov from Tottenham (while half the year Ronaldo has been pulling pouty expressions, gelling his hair in excess, and calling himself a slave to Manchester United), and now it's all kicking off down at Football Central (pun not intended; I guess the cheesiness just comes naturally to me).

Robinho looks to be staying put at Madrid, while Dimitar Berbatov may have just earned himself a few million Brownie points from me. What better way to satisfy a Gooner's desire to cackle than to first leave Tottenham, and then head for Manchester... City. The blue half of Manchester has undergone a takeover by Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment (ADUG) overnight, and they are now well-equipped to table a reported £30m bid for Berba-the-bitch. Keep an eye on the headlines, my friends. It won't be long before Berbatov's chanting "YO MAMA!" insults at Fergie, and tearing out strands of Juande Ramos' slightly dry-looking hair.

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posted by Marooner at 9:49 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 0 comments

MAN-FLESH DU JOUR: WORK THAT FLAB

[Maybe it's just an inherent perviness on our side, but does it not look as if he's about to pull down his shorts?]

The Dame must be on crack if she thought she could give me (Hello! I'm back again! Resident Loser right here! *Waves frantically.*) posting permission for today, and not see me post any semi-naked pictures of our Cesc Bomb. Sorry to break it to you all, but you can't stop fate - although Kevin Keegan tried his hand at doing just that at the end of Arsenal's emphatic win over Newcastle two days ago. There he was, right before us: our favourite Mr Flabre-thighs, undressing himself in celebration of his 200th appearance for the Gunners, and old Kev decided to take it upon himself to distract the cameramen by having a controversial go at Samir Nasri. Calm it, old man. Your poodle-resembling perm may have hit the spots of several deluded teenagers thirty million years ago, but now you need to accept that you are simply an aged man prone to unattractive health problems, such as Loose Bowel Syndrome... amongst other disorders of the bum that really shouldn't be discussed in a man-flesh du jour post. Our turf has quite the right quantity of soil on it already, thank you please.

Bits and bobs shall now ensue:

Today's the final day for transfer going-ons, and while some (i.e. Chelsea) are more than happy to throw around figures like £974346385286 million for players who will proceed to play like a dollop of runny cheese for awhile, before returning to their former club for a grand total of 75p a few years down the line (I'm thinking of Shevchenko and his formerly sexy neck - that neck lost a lot of its appeal when he left Milan - though if your brain is ticking over and thinking "Shaun Wright-Phillips Shaun Wright-Phillips Shaun Wright-Phillips", award yourself with two points and a cookie, my friend), others are divulging in haggling (bad luck, Liverpool), some threatening (Tottenham, you have done good for once), and some absolutely-nothing-at-all (come on, Arsene!).

Someone let Joey Barton off his leash. You can just imagine the local council sticking up Joey-silhouette-shaped signs all over Newcastle (and the rest of England... and the world, for that matter), with a red cross going through it and the caption "NO JOEYS ALLOWED".

Some footballers are chauvinist little pigs and need to be locked in a cage along with the prohibited-from-public-areas Joey Bartons of this world. The newest addition to this cage? Gabriel Agbonlahor. And such a shame, too: I spent ages trying to master the art of spelling of his name.

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posted by Marooner at 8:00 AM, | EmailThis! |  Permalink | 4 comments





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